One nice thing about a five-thousand year oldculture is that there are rules. Many of the men onthe online Chinese dating site I belong to - and I'm assuming all of the women - already know the basicChinese dating rules. But some of the guys may not. I had no idea about what follows when I first arrived inChina from America. Instead I assumed that the dating scenarios of our two countries were roughly thesame. Boy was I wrong! Given how fundamental these rules are for the endeavor you are embarked upon, itis worth at least one article to make explicit some basic information you need to know going in, sinceignorance in this area not only wastes your time but puts you at a competitive disadvantage.
So here it is. When it comes to dating Chinese women, the first (and some would argue the only) rule youneed to be aware of is this: Chinese women are expected to marry before exiting their late twenties. Just asthere is no parallel in American culture to the obligation the Chinese child feels for taking care of the elderlyparent, so there exists nothing remotely close in American dating and marriage culture to the pressurethese Chinese women feel with regard to not entering their thirties as unmarried. If you want to get someidea of the sort of stresses we are talking about, think about the forces that brought about the earthquake inJapan, and multiply it by ten. Few Chinese women make it into their thirties unmarried, and those that dosoon risk attaining Elephant-man type status.
This married-by-thirty rule serves as a sort of Continental Divide, shaping the dating landscape on eitherside of it. The practical implications for dating Chinese women are that the women in their early twenties whoare on the site are far less likely to be seriously engaged in the process. It is with the mid-to-late twentiesthat marriage fever breaks out among Chinese women, and the website is replete with beautiful Chinesewomen in this age group seeking a life partner. The good news is that by virtue of being on an internationaldating site, these women are at least open to the possibility of hooking up with foreign men. The bad news(at least for the commitment-phobic) is that by virtue of being Chinese women of a certain age, these womenare dead serious about marriage (and the closer to 30, the more serious). Warning: Do not wade into thisterritory if you are looking for a short-term, good-time relationship. These women are going for the wholeenchilada (or whatever the Chinese equivalent would be).
After reaching the magic (or, some would say, cursed) age of thirty, things change radically for a Chinesewoman. As one correspondent recently put it to me: "it's really hard for women who are above 30 years oldto find their Mr. Right, especially for Chinese women, just like me. Sometimes I feel dismal about this." This isalso the age group in which the first divorcees will begin to make their appearance. Compared to the U.S.divorce is rare in China, but it is certainly on the rise, fueled by the tendency of Chinese men to acquire amistress along with their first pay raise. More often than not, divorcees in this age group will likely have ayoung child at home.
Women over thirty and/or women who are divorced (especially those with young children) have an almostleper-like status in Chinese dating culture. The short-sightedness of Chinese men on this point is, however,great news for Western members of this the Chinese dating website. It means there are a lot of women whofrom a Western (or at least American) perspective seem desirable, even hot, given the phenomenon of the"cougar" i.e., the hot older women. These are amazing women who have defied cultural expectations. Theyare looking for someone who can truly appreciate them.
So that's an overview of how things stand. As they said in one of the Indiana Jones movies, "Choose wisely".