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Western man, Chinese woman relationship: What's it really like?

adb2014 Jul 26.2014 22:24 Comments (15) + Add your comment
Tags: General, Relationships Category:My Blogs
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Relationships between Western men and Chinese women aren’t uncommon in China these days. I myself have been married to my Chinese wife for three and a half years, which has been a very interesting adventure.

 

I know that every couple and situation is different but for anyone starting out in a similar relationship, I hope I can share some advice on what both parties might expect.

 

Western man

 

The belief that many Chinese women are only interested in an apartment, diamond ring, luxury car and a champagne lifestyle from the relationship is a well known one – in some cases true, but not entirely accurate. She may not mind if you don’t dress well, have a bit of padding around the middle, earn a modest income, live in a roach-infested apartment and have little money in the bank. She definitely will mind though, if, a year later, you’re not looking for a better job, your dress sense hasn’t improved and you’re still spending money and eating like there’s no tomorrow.  

 

Saving money will be especially vital if the relationship becomes serious, as it’s often seen as the best way to show your appreciation of others. Major holidays like Mid Autumn Festival and Chinese New Year can empty your wallet pretty quickly. Weddings (your own and others), birthdays, having a baby, giving gifts for someone else’s baby and various celebrations can also strain you financially. That’s without even going into the costs for weddings and overseas holidays if the relationship becomes really serious.   

 

As long as you’re working to save for your future together by striving for a better job with more income and generally trying to improve yourself in every way; as long as you’re a well rounded person with no serious hang-ups and a healthy social life, she’ll most likely be willing to work with, and support you. However, going into the relationship with a ‘take me as I am or not at all’ approach may end with her choosing the latter option and walking away.

 

She may expect a lot from you and expect to be taken care of but will also be generous to a fault. She’ll be loyal, teach you how to save money, buy you clothes and may give you gifts every now and again. On the flip side, you may find her a bit immature and prone to angry outbursts and so, learning how to handle these will be one of the biggest challenges in the relationship.       

 

Chinese woman

   

I know that you only want him to be the best person possible and will give everything possible to ensuring a good relationship. However, keep in mind that this relationship will be quite different from any he’s had with western women.

 

One point of contention may be how you sort out problems in the relationship. He may be used to his significant other giving him criticism with a heavy dollop of tact, sensitivity and high regard for his feelings. He definitely won’t be used to being called fat or stupid and will take no comfort whatsoever in the knowledge that you do that with your family and friends in a joking way. Maybe you’ll call him names to test his devotion to you and challenge him to prove you wrong. It’s more likely that he’ll take your words literally and have second thoughts about the relationship so try to keep a balanced viewpoint and see things from both sides during disagreements.

 

Another important consideration is your parents. You might see them as fantastic, selfless people who have supported you and given you so much over the years. Your western boyfriend however, will see your parents as…well, your parents. Of course he should be polite to them and respect them and he probably will but in his own country, couples normally don’t have that much to do with each other’s parents, even during marriage. Having your parents move in with you, tag along on trips and having you both stay at their place for extended periods during national holidays may seem like the most natural thing in the world but he may put up some stiff resistance to this. Give him time and space to accept these ideas; don’t get angry and try to force them on him.

 

In general

 

Any relationship is difficult and needs work. Intercultural relationships are particularly challenging due to language and cultural difficulties. As long as both are willing to communicate, listen and strike a healthy balance between the two cultures, the relationship can be a long and successful one. Good luck!  

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15 Comments ( Add your comment )

1
comment|49114|91621
donnie3857

The young Chinese guys don't understand that we are dating and marrying the older and highly educated women they are intimidated by and refuse to look at.

Jul 31, 2014 23:36
2
comment|49058|55020
mike695ca

Some good well thought out points. Cheers

Jul 30, 2014 22:44
3
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WendyInChina

What about us bachelorets out here that may be looking for a decent partner, any advice? Gets kinda lonely. I'm interested in honesty, loyalty and affection. Are there suitable partners in China or should I get a Labrador? HeHe.

Jul 31, 2014 21:41
4
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WendyInChina

We had a lab when I was growing up. They're the best. I think I will stick to dogs. But then again, men are dogs. Maybe the right dog will come along someday. Those girls with Labs, take care of them...

Aug 03, 2014 09:48
5
comment|49147|80469
timjames

Well written, but as far as assimilating to this culture, I refuse to do it. When we got married, she told me I was supposed to give money to her brother. Her brother was a spolied prick with 2 houses, a brand new Audi A6, and sat on his ass all day. I refuse to feed into the idea that her brother is a fooking little emperor. Besides that, I agree with the rest of the post.

Aug 01, 2014 21:56
6
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salsasushi

So true . I broke up with bf cuz he spends money like there is no tmr.

Aug 03, 2014 22:29
7
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salsasushi

Wow another mr. Grumpy … calm down .

Aug 31, 2014 16:17
8
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Guest2385946

After read that I feel like a chinese woman and see my girlfriend as a foreignland's man -_-'

Aug 06, 2014 08:54
9
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coineineagh

Very good blog. From my own experience, it rings true, and I'm engaged in these exact struggles every day with my wife. How did you gain all these insights?

Aug 09, 2014 15:05
10
comment|49657|54996
Fordicus

What drives me nuts is the superstition. Shut up about how bad cold water is already! It's bleeding hot outside! And no I will not drink some brew of bark and leaves that makes me sick at my stomach just because. And yes I will change out of my wet shirt when I get back to the gym but no I do not think I will be cold when I am old if I do not or if I stand in front of the air conditioner after I get out of the shower.

Aug 15, 2014 12:23
11
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salsasushi

Lol I totally understand! No one is perfect

Aug 31, 2014 16:20
12
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NanNingJay

I can tell you this: If the Western husband is living in China then he will be expected to become a Chinese man, observe Chinese culture and learn how to do things according to her cultural standards and expectations. If the Chinese wife is in Whatever-Western country the husband needs to constantly understand she is NOT a westerner and doesn't live or behave by western standards and actually he should still be changing to the Chinese way of things.

Sep 05, 2014 14:44

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