I should start off by saying I have been in China now for over eight years and I have had my fair share of stress... especially in the beginning.

It wasn't because of communication issues or because China was so different (well that was part of it)... but the main issue was that I foolishly expected Mainlanders knew their own country better than I would. I thought they would know how best to do things and thus, I trusted them.

When it came to things like contracts when I taught ESL, I expected the employing party to sign off and follow the contract. However, this was seldom the case and I have ran into many foreign teachers around my city asking for advice on how to deal with the bad situations their employers have placed upon them.

The problem is... that once the employer starts deviating from the contract or holding your passport to bully you into bad situations, it is almost already too late. You are stressed out, you are upset and your view on trusting mainland Chinese becomes horribly tainted.

The ESL industry is very corrupt. If you are like me, you know that a school is the same as a business... however you expect a certain standard of ethics to be followed. I believed that someone opening a school must mean they have some sort of love for education and treating people with respect. Don't be fooled.

Another stressful issue about living in China is that locals will constantly tell you lies. They don't have to be malicious lies (like cheating, scams or cons) they just don't want to admit they don't know or are too lazy to give you the proper information. Back home, I would much rather appreciate someone tell me, "I am sorry, I don't know but I will check" when I am shopping... but in China they will answer "mei you" or point in some random direction... making you even more lost than before. 

Unfortuntely, this means getting angry or yelling at someone for help if you are Chinese and much more difficult if you are a foreigner than does not speak Chinese well.

So what is the rule that will reduce your stress levels in China?

Well after changing my outlook a little... I realized, I ran into far less trouble and stressful situations by just doing one simple thing:

Never trust mainland Chinese.

I know it sounds wrong but the longer you live in China the more you will understand. Chinese will lie to you knowingly sometimes, and unknowingly othertimes but in both instances... they will VERY rarely ever admit it. Thus, there is no self-reflection and they continue to spread the disinformation in the same method.

Mainlanders are also very chaotic and disorganized in their scheduling, motion and punctuation. I know some of you may say it is because of their culture and foreigners should make a greater effort to understand it.

This is not true at all. Most mainlanders follow each other blindy and simply do not question if an action is right or wrong but whether or not it benefits themselves (in most cases).

So when I say not to trust locals and mainlanders. I don't mean that you shouldn't make friends and label them all disloyal. This is simply not the case. Many locals try to be friendly, helpful and kind. However, you will notice that they will corner you into situations for personal gain. Like inviting you to dinner, then inviting 10 friends (that they DID NOT tell you about) so that they gain face from all their friends seeing them with their foreign buddy.

Or coming over to buy you a drink but then asking for 20 pictures, and then forcing you to converse with them in English... or pretending to be your friend while taking the piss out of you in Chinese with their drinking buddies.

Mainlanders think that because they are interacting with foreigners the normal rules of engagement with locals does not apply. Some will abuse this and your situation of being an outsider in China.

Does this mean you can trust your wife or girl friend?

Well yes, with loyalty and to help you out. However, they will do many foolish things and get mad when you point them out or just ignore the criticism.

Mainlanders don't place much importance on intelligence but rather on networking, wealth and emotion. They are not taught to think for themselves and self-correct but rather have others plan their lives and massively pressured into conforming. 

Finally, mainland Chinese are huge on presentation but care little for substance. This is why upfront they will always try to appear kind, trustworthy, friendly and helpful. They will sign the contracts, hold the meetings and proudly give you false information.

They will charge you more when they can and cut you off while driving without hesitation.

I highly recommend when a mainland Chinese person tells you something, never believe them because this is their country. I have corrected many bank tellers, information technologists, doctors and nurses while living here... and they did not like it nor did they learn from it... haha. 

Use your own instincts, ask other foreigners, question everything (even when they tell you you ask too many questions). Mainlanders are very bad at problem prevention... they usually only deal with problems after they happen. Use this skill to your advantage and try to feel out issues before they arise. For example, you are lucky if you get notification for any sort of event when a mainlander comes to meet you or pick you up.

You may get a knock on your door at 7AM saying there is an issue with your visa and you have to go right away to the train station to the capital city or something. Or some repair guy needs to fix something or whatever...

This is a pattern that happens often. So if you tell your school the water heater is broken... and they just say "Okay, someone will be over soon." Then you should anticipate this will mean a few days (if you are lucky) at some ridiculous hour with no warning.

This does not apply to people in Hong Kong, Taiwan or Chinese born abroad or have lived there since a very young age (well for the most part). From my experience, if they only studied abroad or lived there for a few years... they still hold a lot of these negative traits.

So when you are in a situation that feels off, and it seems like if you continue forward you will run into a bad situation... you probably will.

You should turn around, walk away and never trust mainland Chinese.

I wish that wasn't the case and I know how it sounds. But that's the way it is now in mainland China. Learn from the patterns and not what Chinese say to you or try to convince you.