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Tips for Maintaining Long Distance Relationships in China

Moonlake Mar 18.2013 12:31 Comments (17) + Add your comment
Tags: Relationships Category:My Blogs
blog|413|238553

My name is Moonlake and I survived a long-distance relationship between China and Europe. In a few months, I intend to walk down the aisle to wed my amazing Chinese fiancé, promising to love, support and cherish him until the end of my days. But this love story wasn’t smooth-sailing all the time. We met while I was studying Chinese at a uni in China for a semester. When we met, I only had three months left before it was time to return home. Naturally, neither of us wanted to fall in love or get in too deep, since we knew I’d be leaving and wouldn’t be able to return for at least a year. But love is one of those things that you can’t control – when it strikes, it strikes hard. We became inseparable and when the time came for me to leave, we both had promised to wait for each other no matter how long we spent apart.

 

Long-distance relationships are tough, regardless of whether you’ve been together three months or three years. I constantly have people coming up to me asking me how we got through a whole year of not seeing each other and still being absolutely in love and loyal to each other. Lots of friends and friends-of-friends ask me for tips and I’ve become a sort of role model or inspiration to many people. But actually I don’t see my myself as some sort of hero who, despite having lots of odds stacked against me, overcame a major obstacle. In fact, the advise I have for people can be rather harsh: if you are not 100% sure or committed, don’t get into a long distance relationship. The only way it’s going to work out, is if you are both willing to put a lot of work into the relationship, making sure to allocate plenty of time to skyping/calling and being very communicative and honest at all times. Long-distance relationships also require a lot of trust. If you don’t fully trust your partner, this will eventually surface and will lead to accusations, fights, paranoia, anger, jealousy and very likely, break-up.

 

Here are some basic tips for maintaining a long-distance relationship:

 

-          Communication:

This is the key to survival. But having said that, each couple is different so while some people may talk every day or even several times a day, some only skype a few times a week. Find a pattern that’s right for both of you. When I left China, we spoke several times a day at the beginning, then just once a day and eventually about 3-4 times a week. Take advantage of the fact that we’re living in 2013 where we can use Skype, Facetime, WeChat, Facebook and other social media sites and communication tools at a click of a button for free.

-          Trust:

This is closely intertwined with communication. When you know what’s going on in their life and who they’re hanging out with it’s easier to trust them. If you’re insecure about something or someone, be honest but no accusatory. Many relationships falter because one person gets jealous and convinced the other is cheating on them. At the end of the day, you probably never know for sure if the other was faithful during your time apart – that’s just a massive gamble you have to take and if they say they were faithful, you just have to believe them. Time in a long-distance relationship shouldn’t be spent wondering whether the other person is up to something naughty, you should be focusing on yourself and making sure that you are sticking to the rules and not doing something the other wouldn’t approve of.

-          Set out clear rules:

Every couple is different and don’t necessarily share the same values. It’s important to set out some clear rules BEFORE you part ways – a verbal contract so to say. If monogamy is a make or break factor, then make sure both parties know that and are willing to uphold that. If on the other hand, you both want to see others while apart, make sure that you both agree.

-          Make Sacrifices:

You cannot survive a long-distance relationship without making some sacrifices. For example, due to the time difference between China and Europe, you may have to re-organise your schedule to suit the other, which may mean cancelling some social gatherings or even changing your sleeping habits. You could also save extra to buy a plane ticket to see them during your time off. I got a part-time job to save enough money to fly to China during Easter break. It wasn’t a cheap ticket and I could only stay for 10 days, but was it worth it? Of course!

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17 Comments ( Add your comment )

1
comment|36165|229919
davidiom

Thank you for the article, I have been maintaining a long distance relationship with my partner in china for almost three months now, while I wait for proper visa to enable me to be there for a long time. Hearing other people go through similar issues certainly help.

Mar 19, 2013 22:12
2
comment|36168|72032
emmawell

This article is fascinating. I totally agree with you. Anyway, I can feel the enthusiasm in your last words, OF COURSE!

Mar 20, 2013 06:52
3
comment|36170|235531
homeboy629

We have all been there before, you meet some beautiful foreign girl and she appears to be the "One", but does she realy love me? Or could the UK/US passport be distorting her senses? Try this : My own 老外 love test! Try an find a friend with the mythical love chariot (宝马车) BMW ,and while your away send him round to try and chat her up. If she politely declines his friendship, then she could well be "The One". Dont be dissapointed if things dont go to plan, This is by far the easiest, cheapest and scientificly proven method. Also some reading I would recommend to anyone is to look into the backgrounds of an 82 year old gentleman Head of newscorps wife, and also into a famous English actor who stared in nottinghill babies mama. Then sincierly ask yourself: What do these two ladies have in common, and did they marry for love? I wish you the best of luck sir ,and if any lady passes my love test, you are truly lucky :)

Mar 20, 2013 08:58
4
comment|36172|241751
Guest2175766

I came to China in 2005 to marry my chinese boyfriend after 5 years of dating. I am living here for almost 8 years. The problem of marrying a chinese citizen is there is no spouse visa and it is not easy to get a permanent residence card. I renew my visa every year. It is a visiting relatives visa. At the police station, I am registered as guest in my husband's home. When my son and I travel to another country, I should have return ticket to my home country. I want to work, I should have working visa. When you marry a chinese citizen, you should accept this situation in China or better go back to your home country and live there.

Mar 20, 2013 09:32
5
comment|36178|81894
Guest737052

I met a british guy,me and him got feeling for each other,but we havn't commited to each other for seriously relationship 'cause he was not sure he would be with me.He always adviced me to find another guy,meanwhile he cared which guy I was with.Then he left me for travling,am still working in Shanghai,when he was away,he still sent me messages,but eventually no messages at all,he disapeared.I asked him why.He told he heared me and another british guy messaged a lot when he was away.I told him me and that guy were just friends.He didn't say anything,then disapeared from my world until now.It has been half and one month already.

Mar 20, 2013 14:21
6
comment|36179|81894
Guest737052

He was on line everyday,but he even won't say a hello to me,which toatlly make me upset.I think the guy I met is not worthy.He is from Longdon,but when he was here with me in Shanghai,he asked me:What is your father's job?I am worrying about that,why he asked me some senstive financial question about my family?Did he care if I am from a rich family?I got shocked.

Mar 20, 2013 14:27
7
comment|36193|238553
Moonlake

The guy doesn't sound worthy! It's clear that he's not committed to your relationship and is messing with your feelings. The fact that he's asking about your father's job shows that he cares about money and status. My advice is to not waste your time on him and find someone who is absolutely besotted by you and likes you for you, not for your family's social status. You deserve better than that girl!

Mar 21, 2013 09:08
8
comment|36195|81894
Guest737052

Thanks for giving me good advices,Moonlake.I end up waitting for this guy couple of weeks ago for saving my time,then I met some other guys who then they asked number from me,but they didn't contact me often and finally just disapeared.I am like what?Why you asked my number and don't wanna contact me?I feel totally frustrating.

Mar 21, 2013 11:38
9
comment|36213|241304
grantviar

Dont give those losers a chance to hurt you or play with your feeling in that way. I understand wanting to be with someone, but dont completely throw yourself out there at first. Make them work for it, it pays off. If they dont work for it then they are not worthy for you. Sorry to hear that I hope it all works out for you, and you find mr charming. Good luck! Oh and next time a guy asks you for your number, tell him to give you his number and you may call him. Give it at least 24 hours before you do call or text him. No matter how bad you would like to. Agian good luck.

Mar 22, 2013 03:37
10
comment|36214|81894
Guest737052

All the time I am looking for Mr Charming,but Mr charmings always run away from me,that is not good.But one thing I am sure I don't need to waste time with guys act like that.When a guy askes my number,I just give it,if he texts me,I will texts him.If he doesn't,I won't do it.Meanwhile keep looking for another chance.

Mar 22, 2013 09:23
11
comment|36224|241304
grantviar

Well when I come to china i will take you out:)

Mar 22, 2013 20:55
12
comment|36246|242728
Helen-translator

I am glad that you succeeded in long-distance relationship .Congratulations!My friend. One year ago I have been in one but cannot get through then we broke up .It is really hard to go on for the long-distance love .So I can say that both of you are so much wonderful.

Mar 25, 2013 10:59
13
comment|36814|43588
sunsetlover

Congratulations! But have you been in China long enough, or do you know China well enough, to know the local family mentality here? especially the local male mentality towards family? I sure hope so or you're in for surprises.

Apr 24, 2013 09:05
14
comment|56191|1577841
Mizuki

Try hard and no regret...well, always learn something new when trying is absolutely essential.

Feb 27, 2015 13:19
15
comment|71747|1634542
jennyryan12345

my name is JENNY, i am from {TEXAS, USA) i want to use this possible means to appreciate one man i hold in sincere gratitude and high esteem for his help and his kindness he has rendered to me.this is the reason why i have taken it upon myself to thank this great spell caster called Dr.MEGA because through his help my life became more filled with love and i am happy to say that my ex lover who has been separated from me for the past weeks came back to me pleading for acceptance from me, this was a shocking event because before i contacted Dr.Mega i was the one begging my ex lover to come back to me but through the assistance of Dr.Mega i now have my relationship restored. you can also have a better relationship only if you contact:drmegaspelltemple@hotmail.com or drmegaspelltemple@gmail.com and i’ll always be grateful to Dr.Mega email him for any kind of help and he is capable and reliable for help.... you can also call him on +2348117381549 or his website http://drmegaspelltemple.wix.com/drmega

Jun 19, 2016 08:13
16
comment|73093|1645028
shivap

Now I am having long distance relationship, this is not easy, you must have confidence and fixed mind.

Sep 10, 2016 18:44

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